Writing a Eulogy

Writing and delivering a eulogy can feel like a great responsibility, but it does not need to describe every part of someone’s life. A good eulogy simply helps those attending remember the person, what mattered to them and the difference they made to others.

It can be warm, reflective, affectionate or gently humorous. The most important thing is that it feels honest and appropriate for the person being remembered.

Before you begin

Give yourself time to collect your thoughts. You may find it helpful to speak with relatives, friends or former colleagues and ask them to share memories.

Think about:

• Where and when the person was born.
• Important people and relationships in their life.
• Their work, interests and achievements.
• Their character and values.
• Favourite places, music, sayings or traditions.
• Small habits or qualities that made them unique.
• Special memories that show what they meant to others.
• The ways in which they will be remembered.

Check names, dates and important details with another family member where possible.

A simple structure for a eulogy

There is no compulsory format, but the following structure may help.

Opening

Introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the person.

You might begin by saying what it means to have the opportunity to speak about them or by briefly describing how they will be remembered.

Their life

Share the important parts of their story. This might include their childhood, family, work, friendships, interests and achievements.

You do not need to include every date or event. Choose the details that best help people recognise and remember them.

Memories and personality

Include one or two stories that illustrate the person’s nature, values or sense of humour.

Simple, everyday memories can often be more meaningful than a long list of achievements.

What they meant to others

Describe the effect they had on family, friends or their community. You may wish to mention qualities such as kindness, loyalty, humour, determination or generosity.

Closing

Finish with a final thought, message of thanks, favourite saying or a simple farewell.

How long should a eulogy be?

There is no required length. As a general guide, five to eight minutes is often enough to share meaningful memories without feeling rushed.

Reading the eulogy aloud while timing yourself will help you judge its length and identify any sentences that are difficult to say.

Using humour

Humour is not essential. Include it only if it feels natural and reflects the person being remembered.

A gentle and affectionate story can bring warmth to the service, but avoid anything that may embarrass, upset or exclude members of the family.

Difficult or complicated relationships

Not every life or family relationship is straightforward. A eulogy does not need to pretend that someone was perfect, but a funeral service is rarely the right place to resolve disagreements or reveal private matters.

Focus on what can be said truthfully, respectfully and with kindness. A minister or celebrant can help if you are unsure how to approach a sensitive part of the person’s story.

Preparing to read the eulogy

It may help to:

• Print the words in a large, clear font.
• Use short paragraphs and wide spacing.
• Number the pages.
• Avoid printing on both sides of the paper.
• Mark places where you want to pause.
• Practise reading it slowly and aloud.
• Keep a glass of water nearby.
• Give a copy to the minister, celebrant or another trusted person.

It is completely natural to become emotional. Pause, take a breath and continue when you are ready. Nobody will expect you to deliver it perfectly.

If you feel unable to read it

Writing a eulogy does not mean that you must deliver it yourself.

You can ask:

• Another family member or friend.
• The minister or celebrant.
• Two or more people to share different sections.

It is sensible to give someone a copy in advance so they can take over if reading becomes too difficult on the day.

We are here to help

If you are unsure where to begin, Abercorn Funeral Services can help you discuss the structure of the service and put you in contact with the minister or celebrant.

Your words do not need to be polished or perfect. Speaking with affection and honesty is what people will remember.

Edinburgh: 0131 259 2322
Musselburgh: 0131 629 5151

Share